The Unconscious Victim in a Work Group

It's been a long time since my last entry and a great deal has happened in the world. I have let world events recede and have been reading and writing articles about family of origin dynamics replicated in the workplace. Among the impersonal events I have been exploring was the behavior of a classically 'personality disordered' manager. The manager was known to have distorted boundaries with employees and to choose one employee per distinct era to be her chosen best friend at work. For example, one she chose as her handy man and he was favored during renovation at her home. Another was a young woman in whom she routinely confided information about the woman's teammates. Another yet, was a woman that she made sexual remarks to such as "If we had met somewhere else, we would have done it by now".

Whenever she 'elevated' an employee to 'parentified' status, she also demeaned another. These chosen would also rotate as her cycling of needs and interests would change. Her moods were decidedly cyclic, too. Gregarious laughter, touching employees as she talked, making 'joking' comments about race, religion and sex. At other times, she would brood, have a flat facial expression and 'go underground' in her collusions and divisiveness. She had a habit of discussing her non-favorites of the moment in private meetings with employees. The employees shared these among themselves as a way of protecting each other and consequently, ourselves. She also would cyclically have angry outbursts about issues like addiction, religion and parenting. She would switch when others disagreed with an intervention she took with a client or her evaluation of a client's needs. Just as she chose favorite employees and scapegoat employees, she did the same with clients--at times relentlessly attempting to trap her clients and prove them incompetent.

Little was known about her personal history although she would drop hints over time. She was especially triggered by men, targeting them with her disregard and disdain, but also with intense anger if they disagreed with her. She was competitive with women and discussed women who disagreed with her as crazy and sick. Given these dynamics, it makes sense that she would choose her "peers" from among her subordinates. Male employees would be targeted if they did not please her. Female employees would be targeted if they challenged her. As manager, her power differential insured that most would suppress whatever came naturally that would displease her. This made subordinates the perfect "peers".

It occurred to me that she replicated the dynamics of her family of origin rather directly and unconsciously. This included grooming of the children to meet their 'manager's' needs, parceling out of affection to the children by the caregivers, controlling children with affection withdrawal and verbal and emotional abuse. The incestuous quality of her interactions with subordinates also suggested that there was sexual abuse in the family. Not only was it present, but it was the dynamic through which one gained favored status. Those who did not participate in the sexualized power dynamics were ostracized and specific efforts were made to isolate the 'out of control' member among the 'family'.