I see this as Don Juan Matus. It is an actor named Richard Gonzalez who is in the BBC video Tales from the Jungle. His face is much as I remember it from visions, journeys and my one suspected encounter in the physical in 1972.
"The nagual Julian didn't care about anyone," he continued. "That's why he could help people. And he did; he gave them the shirt off his back, because he didn't give a fig about them."
"Do you mean, don Juan, that the only ones who help their fellow men are those who don't give a damn about them?" I asked, truly miffed."
This helps me understand my near-contempt for people and why I simultaneously work doggedly as a therapist with them. Also, why I am not upset when they 'fail' in treatment. I find the results mostly interesting and apart from me.
I don't feel drained by people generally because I don't feel they touch me in their shenanigans although it appears I am fully present (and I am) and available to deep intimacy with them. A part of me--the part that is ME--is always separate.
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